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  • October 2008
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  • January 2009
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    Thursday, January 29, 2009



    Sup Blog World? Its been a min since my last update.... which was a little after New Years i believe... I have been really focused on this blog update i have been through alot of emotions have written down my feelings and different scenarios/scenes events that have happened to me.. or are happening to me now and figured it was time for me to update my blog finally.... So i was in Barnes and Nobles earlier today in a beanbag chair.. Anybody who knows me knows i love that store and can stay in it all day... Ended up leaving and coming home to finish writing in my journal but it was a nice stay.. my latte was refreshing as well. I have figured out that im at this point in life where im afraid of love... its not like a light i can click on or off it just is what it is as my dad would put it... Im very picky and i will admit that... I also want things to tend to go my way which some people might take as selfish or wrong but i just want things to be right... Relationships are hard i know this i also know that if ur not ready for one dont rush into one.. cause then your ship will really crash and burn... Just when is enough enough? When do you know that this person will be your one and only your last etc etc. I see sooo many people who spend 2,4,5 years with one person and they still arent engaged or married and they get to that last year and break up... what have you accomplished other than wasting your time and their time. when all alone one of the partners knew it wasnt going to work. And you cant get that time back ever. Its like being in Prison that time you do is just lost.. Period...
    If your in a relationship and your cons outweigh your pro's your in for some trouble...Also ladies and men stop lowering yourself i see so many people who are doing so well in life but you are with someone who is the exact opposite... never lower your standards.. because then thats more BS you will have to put up with later on in life. Trust me on this one...
    I also wonder when i will come out of my shell when will i not be so afraid of love and what it has to offer? Its not like i can rush out of it. And then i also know i have less than 2 years and i will be relocating. Should i just forget about all my options and just start over brand new? Or should I take what i have and hope it can follow me? SO many questions i have in my book and not one answer. I know at the end it will all follow with what my heart wants to do. But what is right for me to do. Im so tender and precious about time. Time is of the essence? Is it not? Love is so strong... And can come in many different patterns. Do you know the diff between lust and love? Do you know the diff between like and love?

    Well Blog I am gonna end it here... i got a ton of math homework on my ass i will leave you with this pray for me as i pray for you. I will soon be doing monthly kyte messeges talking about my blogs for the month or summing up my feelings to whoever cares lol... its a video type blog i thought it was kinda cool. My first one will be this sat 1/31/09 so look out for that. I will post the link or something in here. You can also chat with me on there if i am LIve..I would love to talk to some of you individually is as well :-) I will soon have a dog.. Her name is Marilyn So expect to see her on my blogs as well... Peace Love & Blessings.

    the beauty exposed ;

    Friday, January 2, 2009




    So i figured that in 09 i have made changes so this year i sat and wrote what i think i am bottles up into a a page, paragraph or what ever.....I'm most likely someone you won't understand at first, but I truly am a genuine person. I mean well in everything I say and do. I'm complicated (who isn't?) and I have my issues, like other people have their own. I'm human. We all get a little crazy. We all get a little emotional about things we usually wouldn't. It happens. I love who I have become today and every day I'm growing into a stronger, independent WOMAN. I will not sugarcoat it and act like something I'm not. Usually I sit back and just observe people and watch them...cuz people are so funny sometimes. I love to laugh and snuggle up with someone just to be lazy.

    People don't quite GET ME. They think I have millions of close friends and tons of guys swarming me, lining up to date me. Not true. In fact, I like keeping my friends minimal and guys...well...they are just a mystery. I have become accustomed to being THAT ONE GIRL. I'm sensitive and I have a HUGE heart. I don't like games and I don't fall for them easily. Don't try to play me, because I can figure it out easily. I do not care if you think you are the hottest thing ever or you could get any girl you want, I'm not a fool. I'm so modest. I know I look good but I am NOT going to flash that in peoples' faces. I am just confident within myself and I appreciate everyone else's beauty around me. No need for comparisons, thank you.

    I like for people just be REAL no matter what you have done in the past and how many mistakes you've made. As long as you've realized it was wrong and you are making up for the time lost because of it, then so be it. I'm not here to judge anyone. My life isn't peaches and creme.

    All in all, talk to me. I'm very open-minded and willing to discuss all different ranges of topics.

    I do believe everyone judges and in a way i think its almost human nature... I also want people to accept me for the things i want to do and the choices I make... I could care less if you dont agree with the decision because at the end of the day your not in my shoes and its sooo easy to say what you should think should happen when you are just a little snail looking in :-)

    As far as relationships go i figure ill say this their is a big difference between desire and relationships I think about things like this alot because they puzzle me.When you truly love someone with love comes respect. With respect comes responsibility and with responsibility comes hard decisions when entering into a relationship or union. Desire seems to always pop up everywhere you turn right? The woman that you work with, the man that persists on buying you a drink in the club, the woman that continuously texts you even while knowing you are involved and doesn't feel that YOU are that serious about your lover. Well all these things are tests of the will. Can you control yourself even when you are not in your lover's presence? How far can you go if not at all? Or how do you know when you are crossing the line. These are all questions that show weakness because deep down inside you know what you would and wouldn't do, and yet you consistently make the wrong decisions? Which is another example of two opposites coming together perfectly because "consistency" and "wrong" seem to go hand in hand allot of times when we are making these decisions. Honestly put yourself in your spouse's shoes and ask yourself if you could be in that moment with them when they take that number, when they engage in over the top conversations, when they get a little loose with their emails would you enjoy watching that? Would you enjoy seeing that other person kiss someone with that SAME passionate kiss that you THOUGHT y'all only shared? Regardless if your heart lies with them is not right to live right even when you could easily live wrong? Its so easy to add someone with no meaning into your life..right? Or is it just "physically" easy but "emotionally" upsetting and confusing? You are free to make your own call. But I can tell you this, the more confusion you add into your life the more confusion you will have with every breath that you take when thinking of that person that you love and care for. Allot of times we take problems and we spread them throughout our day, even mixing them with other outside problems with jobs, car, kids, etc. So next time you think that the grass is greener consider the fact that you cant see how far green the grass goes
    Its almost like black/white. So opposite and yet they come together to make something so perfect. Yin and Yang is the sign of prosperity and tranquility, the union of two offset vibes that come together to bleed of comfort and stability. Discipline and desire can bring forth great rewards if you choose to live your life and expand your personal growth past what you see, but get in touch with how you really feel about the things that are going on in your life.
    IF you are with somebody and the you have to search and wonder why you are with that person that means the love is no longer there and your grabbing on anything you can think of for purpose of you staying with that person.... if you are with someone and its the exact opposite you still get the butterflys when you kiss them and could be with them everyday.... Just apart of true love <3333>


    the beauty exposed ;